15 Really, Really Awful New Potato Chip Flavors

Walkers Crisps—the British version of Lay’s—is celebrating the World Cup the best way it knows how: by launching a whopping 15 new flavors of potato chips, each modeled after a different World Cup nation. There’s just one problem, writes Charlie Brooker of the Guardian: They’re unbelievably awful. Some lowlights:

1. Australian BBQ Kangaroo: If Easter teaches us anything, it’s that Jesus likes snack food. Well, if Jesus tasted these “he’d moan, ‘forgive them father, for they know not what they do,’ through a mouthful of wet crumbs.”

2. Japanese Chicken Teriyaki: “Tastes about as authentically Japanese as Lenny Henry.”
3. Scottish Haggis: “Tasted of nothing, yet somehow managed to make that nothing deeply unpleasant.”
4. American Cheeseburger: These taste uncannily like a McDonald’s burger. “Not Burger King. Not Wendy’s. McDonald’s.” You almost wonder if they’ll sue.
5. Italian Spaghetti Bolognese/Brazilian Salsa: These both tasted like “scratch’n’sniff pizza aroma,” and were pretty much indistinguishable from each other. “My face was openly sobbing by this point, mind.”

No word yet on when these fine flavors will reach America—and frankly, let’s hope they don’t. Click here for the complete list.