dumb criminals

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Michael Lohan Arrested Again
 Michael Lohan Arrested Again 
Oct 27, 2011 8:27 AM CDT

Michael Lohan Arrested Again

Hours after being released ... and jumping off a balcony ... into a tree

(Newser) - Michael Lohan couldn’t even go a full day as a free man: Just hours after he was released from a Tampa jail, he was arrested again. Lohan had been jailed on domestic violence charges related to his girlfriend (yes, the AP still refers to her as his girlfriend) Kate...

Another Drunk Dad Has 9-Year-Old Drive: Cops

Parents: If your kid can count his age on his hands, he's not a designated driver

(Newser) - A few weeks ago, a boozed-up father had his daughter climb on a booster seat and take him shopping ; now childhood designated-driving is turning into a quasi-epidemic. A Wyoming man visiting Orlando felt he and his wife had had a few too many on Saturday, so he instructed his son,...

Beer Heist Goes Terribly Wrong
Beer Heist Goes
Terribly Wrong
Sep 22, 2011 8:19 PM CDT

Beer Heist Goes Terribly Wrong

Three teens face charges after bungled robbery: Cops

(Newser) - An epic fail in the beer heist department, according to cops in Los Angeles County. They say two 19-year-olds went into a market and fled with a 30-pack of Tecate. Employees chased them and caught one, reports the Los Angeles Times . The other jumped into a waiting car driven by...

Guys Take Dead Buddy for Night Out

Denver men paint the town red with corpse in back seat

(Newser) - A Denver man wasn’t going to let a dead roommate ruin his night. When Robert Young, 43, arrived home to find his roommate unresponsive last month, he called on a still-living friend—and the two of them hauled Jeffrey Jarrett’s body into the backseat of a car, police...

Bumbling 'Gumby' Bandit Surrenders

And police keep Jacob Kiss' suit

(Newser) - Jacob Kiss, otherwise known as the guy in the Gumby costume who epically failed in his quest to rob a San Diego 7-Eleven last week, is still not winning. Kiss, 19, turned himself in to police yesterday, accompanied by alleged accomplice Jason Giramma, also 19, who was pictured in the...

Guy Tries to Carjack Cop Car, Blames Batman Movie

Micah Calamosca claimed it was all part of the script

(Newser) - Micah Calamosca's first mistake was allegedly trying to carjack a vehicle inhabited by ... a plainclothes police officer. And the story only gets weirder from there: When the 21-year-old jumped into the car Saturday night and the detective drew his gun, Calamosca had his excuse ready. He told the Pittsburgh...

Inmate Sues Michigan Over Prison's No-Porn Policy

Calls lack of smut 'psychological warfare against prisoners'

(Newser) - No porn in prison? That's against the Constitution—or so says one brazen bank robber in Michigan, who's suing the governor and the state over Macomb Country Jail's no-porn policy, calling it cruel and unusual punishment. In a five-page, handwritten lawsuit, the 21-year-old prisoner says not having...

Prison Escapee Caught After Knocking on Guard's Door

Still in prisoner's uniform, James Russell made a little mistake...

(Newser) - An escaped convict was caught following a day on the loose after he knocked on a cabin door—only to find out the man renting the lodge was an off-duty guard at the prison he just fled. James Edward Russell took off from the Washington state penitentiary Tuesday morning. Early...

Cops: Driver Makes Fake 911 Call to Avoid Ticket

Oddly, the plan backfired

(Newser) - For 90 glorious minutes, it was a brilliant scheme. And then it became another entry in the annals of dumb criminals. Police in Naples, Florida, say a driver pulled over for speeding called 911 to report shots fired—with a wounded person to boot—as the deputy ran his information...

Bank Robbers Busted After Facebook Boast

'Wipe my teeth with hundereds,' reads semi-literate post

(Newser) - Four bank robbers in Houston were so proud of their hard work that they boasted of their accomplishments on Facebook—leading police right to them, reports the Telegraph . "IM RICH B****" and "WIPE MY TEETH WITH HUNDEREDS" were two of the brilliant, all-cap Facebook messages posted two days...

Bride Arrested After Reception Brawl

Angela Davito faces assault charges after, ahem, memorable wedding

(Newser) - When you're being carted off to jail while half your guests are wiping pepper spray out of their eyes, it's safe to say your wedding reception could have gone better. Such is the tale of 28-year-old Angela Davito: Police were called to her wedding reception Saturday after a large brawl...

Bank Robber Left His ID With Teller
Bank Robber Left His ID
With Teller
DUMB CRIMINAL
Mar 21, 2011 5:52 PM CDT

Bank Robber Left His ID With Teller

...and got into 2 car accidents, 1 DUI, after leaving crime scene

(Newser) - It wasn't the crime of the century: Pennsylvania police say Daniel Rahynes handed over his driver's license to a bank teller in order to open an account, but whoops!, said he changed his mind and was actually there to rob the bank. The 35-year-old made off in a getaway car...

Facebook Wedding Pics Bring Down Polygamist

Wife was confused when her husband defriended her

(Newser) - Facebook is emerging as the bane of criminals ( see here ), and the latest feather in the social network's cap involves a not-so-stealthy case of possible polygamy. A Michigan man was charged with polygamy after his Rhode Island wife found Facebook photos of his wedding to another woman, Michigan...

Man Busted After Cocaine Delivery—by Mail

Jersey City felon arrested minutes after opening package

(Newser) - Word to the wise: You'll probably want to set up a more sophisticated way to have your cocaine delivered than the US postal service. That's what a Jersey City man allegedly did—and was busted by police minutes after accepting a package containing 2 kilos of the drug, the Star-Ledger...

Intruder, Homeowner Call the Cops on Each Other

Intruder Timothy James Chapek was scared he might get shot

(Newser) - Oregon police got two 911 calls around the same time last night: One from a homeowner reporting a break-in … and one from the intruder himself, worried the homeowner might hurt him. Timothy James Chapek, 24, told police he had just broken in and was, oddly enough, taking a shower...

Arsonist Busted After Leaving Fingertip at Scene

Cops found Ismael Ortiz, not surprisingly, at a hospital

(Newser) - Ismael Ortiz left something kinda important behind after allegedly setting a Florida home on fire: the tip of his finger. Police found the evidence inside a latex glove; a detective says Ortiz slammed his finger in a door while fleeing the scene. They found Ortiz, 24, at a local hospital,...

Farmers Nab, Hog-Tie Bare-Bottomed Burglar

Father and son leave fuel thief for police

(Newser) - A father-son duo caught an alleged thief on their property, tied him up, and left him bare-bottomed in the snow for police to pick up, CNews reports. The farmers had been victims of a string of fuel thefts. When they were notified of a suspicious truck on their land, the...

Man Breaks Into House, Gets Too Drunk to Climb Out

He calls police to help

(Newser) - Time to add another notch in the long list of astonishingly dumb criminals —a Delaware man climbed in a rear window of a house to rob it, and got so drunk inside he was unable to climb back out, say police. His inspired solution? Call 911. The burglar stayed...

Wife Fakes Kidnapping to See if Hubby Would Pay Ransom

She also tells him not to go to police...

(Newser) - Strike this from the list of "Ways to know if my husband truly loves me": A Spanish woman has been detained after faking her own kidnapping to see if her husband would be willing to fork over the ransom money. According to police, she texted him a photo of...

Man Passes Out in Cab— Carrying Tons of Meth

Note to would-be criminals: Stay conscious when running your drugs

(Newser) - Today's dumb criminals lesson: If you're going to take a cab ride while loaded down with almost half a million in drugs, stay conscious. A 25-year-old Chicago man found himself in hot water after flagging down a cab on Christmas, chatting on his phone for a while, then passing out....

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