dumb criminals

Read the latest news stories about dumb criminals on Newser.com

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Cops: Burglar Came Back for Stuff Left Behind

Namely, his car keys, car

(Newser) - If only Caleb Shay Funke had invested in a clap-automated key finder . The 22-year-old showed up at the scene of a home burglary in Twin Falls, Idaho, on Saturday and was arrested shortly thereafter for the crime—all because cops say he left his car keys in the house, the...

Cops Recover Stolen Diamond —in Woman's Intestine

Nature and laxatives failed to get it out

(Newser) - A police investigation in Thailand has literally gotten to the bottom of the theft of a $278,000 diamond last week. Police Col. Mana Tienmaungpak said today that a doctor wielding a colonosope and the medical equivalent of pliers pulled the 6-carat gemstone from the large intestine of the Chinese...

Bad Idea: Trying to Buy Weed, Texting a Cop

A narcotics cop, at that

(Newser) - We've all sent dumb texts, but it takes a truly epic blend of idiocy and terrible luck to replicate the life and times of one William Lamberson of Port St. Lucie, in why, yes, Florida. According to police, 29-year-old Lamberson was looking to score a little weed, so he...

Desperate Burglar Stuck in Elevator Calls 911: Cops

But not before he got to joyride on a middle-school buffing machine, police say

(Newser) - Thousands of students are entering middle school this week, but one teen apparently entered a Delaware middle school a little too soon, and illegally, the AP reports. Cops say Michael Claude, 19, broke into Laurel Middle School yesterday and told them he took a Labor Day joyride through the halls...

Man Carved Name on Alamo Wall With Car Key: Cops

Now there's $250K in damages at the World Heritage site

(Newser) - Julio Perez will likely remember the Alamo for a long time to come, mainly because he's being accused of damaging it to the tune of $250,000, KENS 5 reports. Police say the 22-year-old Texas man tried to carve his name with a car key into a 250-year-old wall...

Guy Applies for Job, Sends Naked Pics to HR: Cops


 Guy Applies for 
 Job, Sends Naked 
 Pics to HR: Cops 
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Sep 6, 2015 7:00 PM CDT

Guy Applies for Job, Sends Naked Pics to HR: Cops

He did not get the job

(Newser) - An Illinois job applicant either has terrible follow-up skills or terrible texting skills, but either way, he's out of a new gig. Elmhurst police say they took in a report on Aug. 14 from the HR manager of a St. Charles company that alleged one of the candidates for...

This Woman's Alleged Crimes: Keying Cars, Bad Spelling

Shannon Csapilla keyed 'wore' into friend's car in jealous rage: cops

(Newser) - There's no time to consult a dictionary in the midst of a jealous rage, apparently. Police in Connecticut say they charged a 20-year-old woman with criminal mischief on Thursday after she allegedly keyed the cars of her ex and a former friend but misspelled a key word in the...

Man Arrested After Posting on Cops' Facebook Page

Cops deliver rhyming comeback

(Newser) - Facebook, the downfall of many a cocky criminal , may have reeled in a new one. Logan Hale of Florida's Polk County was suspected of breaking into a home on Aug. 3 and stealing a shotgun and thousands of dollars' worth of jewelry. Police explained all this in a Friday...

Burglary Suspect Butt-Dialed 911 to Tell Them His Plans

Scott Esser really took the magic out of policework

(Newser) - Dialing 911 ought to be a little more difficult: New Jersey authorities say a man planning a burglary inadvertently dialed 911—which prosecutors note, via NJ.com , is "commonly referred to as a 'butt dial'"—allowing dispatchers to listen in on his conversation. Somerset County prosecutors...

Drone Drops Drugs at Prison, Inmate Fight Ensues

What did you think would happen?

(Newser) - A drone dropped a package of drugs into an Ohio prison yard while inmates were outside, sparking a fight. The package was dropped last week at the Mansfield Correctional Institution, about 65 miles southwest of Cleveland. It contained almost a quarter of an ounce of heroin, over 2 ounces of...

Cops Nab 2 DUIs in 1 Traffic Stop

Speeding, drugs, and idiocy are a potent combination

(Newser) - One traffic stop netted two drunk-driving arrests in Vermont after police say a backseat passenger jumped in the driver's seat. State police say they stopped a car early today on Interstate 91 in Rockingham after it was clocked doing 106mph. Authorities say they got driver Erik Polite out of...

Guy Fleeing Cops on Scooter Does Not Get Away

Because they're not very fast, you see

(Newser) - A suspected drug dealer tried to evade authorities in Nevada while riding a scooter. The Nevada Appeal reports that Joseph Scurti is facing charges including suspicion of a parole and probation warrant and probation violation. Obstruction charges are pending. The slow-speed pursuit began Friday when Carson City deputies tried to...

Burglar Accidentally Records Selfie Video

Police would like a word

(Newser) - He's not caught yet, but a burglar in Venice, California, could soon join the annals of criminals done in by technology . Police say the man entered a home while the occupants were sleeping, picked up an iPhone, and triggered an app that recorded a selfie video, reports CBS Los...

Guy Steals Car He Can't Drive, Calls Taxi

Stick shift foiled Utah teen

(Newser) - Maybe he should have stolen some driving lessons first? Police in Providence, Utah, say that after 19-year-old Alexander Katz and his girlfriend allegedly stole a car on Tuesday, they ended up ditching it and calling a taxi because he didn't know how to drive a stick shift, KSL reports....

Guy Drives Himself to Cop Shop, Asks for DUI

Officers are happy enough to oblige

(Newser) - Authorities say a man drove under the influence of alcohol to a small-town Kentucky police station, where he requested that officers arrest him. The Kentucky New Era reports that 26-year-old Christopher L. Stewart drove Tuesday night to the station in Hopkinsville, near the Tennessee border, entered the "do not...

T-Shirt Irony Isn't Shooting Suspect's Strong Suit

If it had been, Tieren Watson probably wouldn't have worn this Nike getup

(Newser) - A 26-year-old Alabama man joins this guy in the "Attire That Crime Suspects Should Avoid" category after police arrested him Tuesday for alleged involvement in a shooting over the weekend in Benton, per the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette . Cops tracked Tieren Watson down at a local chain hotel, and his T-shirt...

Woman Makes Ill-Advised 911 Call, Gets Arrested

Telling the cops about your drug deal gone wrong: not a good idea

(Newser) - Authorities say a South Florida woman who called 911 to report that she was getting stiffed in a drug deal ended up reporting on herself: She now faces charges including drug possession. The Broward Sheriff's Office reports that 19-year-old Daneshia Heller told a 911 operator Tuesday that she went...

Cops: Would-Be Burglar Baked Potato, Raked Leaves

Criminal mastermind was hungry, unexpectedly helpful

(Newser) - A New Mexico man is facing charges after police say he walked into an unlocked home, stole car keys, and stunned a resident who found him baking a potato and raking leaves. Patrick Lynn Waits, 45, was arrested early Tuesday following a bizarre chain of events that confused residents of...

19-Year-Old Drunk Set Up Own DUI Checkpoint: Cops

Told driver he 'should have read about it in the newspaper'

(Newser) - Apparently for Logan Shaulis, it's not a party until you're demanding to see license and registration from passing drivers. Police say the 19-year-old Pennsylvanian set up his own DUI checkpoint early Saturday, complete with flares, a BB gun, handcuffs, and a portable scanner, reports the Tribune-Democrat . The slight...

Cops Follow Easy Trail to Suspect's Home

It came from grease of stolen deep fryer

(Newser) - It didn't take Columbo: Police investigating a home burglary in Oklahoma were able to follow the grease trail left by a stolen deep fryer straight to a suspect's home, reports WTHR . Cops in Chickasha say two men stole about $4,000 worth of goods from a neighbor, including...

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